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He was that one person that made my entire day by talking to him for about 5 minutes, finding out that I wasn’t the one he loved, someone else.. probably better then me, in everything.. At some point I do let down everyone. My parents, My friends, anyone! At some point I screw up and do something totally unnessisary and terrible. No one ever beilieves me on how bad I feel and how hard I have tried too change so people didnt hate me that much

anyway, the other girl never knew that I was having some romance shit that doesnt even have a name for it because at the moment the only romance I want is with him but I won’t do that to her even though I dont know her that well, no one deserves that but me. I have made so many bad choices..

One of them being trusting and falling for someone I had never met, but I guess i had a reason I just got out of a bad situation where I wwas being used, for basically everything but the good things.. I felt so discusting and he made it better, protected me I guess, no one but maybe one person knows who this is… I guess its better that way, no one gets hurt.. no one’s romance gets a rude awakoning like mine did, just a stab in everything that is my soul, emotions, attitude, personality.. everything, I am still not over him and I don’t think I ever will be…

I was just the pitiful girl who fell and there was no one to catch her from making that mistake, fatal deadly mistake that suffecated every chance of truly trusting anyone but her close friends for a while, I was healed then someone took the scar, marked it and then sliced a knife through it to reopen old wounds and make all my fears and hatred of myself fresh again.. I havn’t slept for about a week now, I just can’t, to many good dreams that will never come true… fiction sucks, it gives hope and hope sucks because for me I guess nothings going to happen thats happy, I don’t see anything happning for a while I am just going to shut my self out from everyone but my 2 best friends and be withdrawn again… like I was 


Don’t know what to do..

You see , I am one of those people who pisses everyone off and always makes the wrong desisions .. 

Yeah many people dislike me, honestly the only people that I have now is probably my parents , my dog even avoids me .. NO I DID NOT HIT HIM.. I just don’t know how to be likable.. When I was 5, other 5 year olds yelled at me for pressing on the crayons too hard.. I am still like that, exept with my words.. I try so hard to be liked, it really never works… Everyone else knows how to talk and present themselfs like cool people , and be interesting and funny and when I try doing the exact same thing I am an annoying bitch when I try acting like everyone else.. But when I am myself I am also an annoying whore or something like that. or a lookin ass or ugly, there is so many names. I grew up in an older family, my parents are 67 and 66. I was always the weird girl in elementary school. During middle school I tried changing myself, I had the preppy clothes and glasses and round face.. With the terrible haircut, then 7th grade came , my hair grew a little longer and I started wearing makeup and I got contacts near the end of the year. I finally got it somewhat right in 8th grade but I was used bout 3 almost 4 times that year so yeah this is the summer im going into 9th grade this year maybe things will be better but I have barley seen 2 of my bestfriends all summer actually to be more exact I have only seen 1 of them once since school ended .. yeah Well hopefully all is good next year becase I have kind of been kicked out of one of their lives for stupid shit I said in one of my angry rages but I never got it .. why people dont like me ever yeah I sound whiney but honestly im not .. I was brought up an awkward adopted latina in a white famly of older seniors and now every day I hear my parents talking about how their gonna die before I am 30 and i just have si much crap going on so yeah can someone messege me or whatever you do on tumblr .. I kinda needed to rant without someone putting their insight in and giving me shit for saying my mind …

Love you all 


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